Most people think women are all peaceful and soft, and while I am not someone getting into physically violent situations I do have violent fantasies that are not very feminine. I feel bad about some of them and know that most of them are not deserved. They are, however, only fantasies and as such not a crime. Please enjoy the following list and know that those are just fantasies, not plans.
When someone sitting next to me makes a sexist comment I imagine to get up, take my chair and beat them with it over and over into a bloody mess and then keep beating them with that chair over and over until I am completely exhausted and then throw away the chair and jump into that bloody mess and tear it apart while laughing hysterically and throw around pieces of that asshole and stomp and dance around in it.
When I am in a schooling situation and the teacher makes no sense at all I imagine taking out a knife and stabbing them over and over like Cesar was stabbed even after he was already dead. And I linger on the image of my knife sliding into their abdomen and then turning it and feeling how I destroy the tissues and organs.
When the father of my child lies and manipulates to get power while avoiding responsibility and says to child services he has the child so much he should not pay full child support even though he only has it 5 times a year and lies to me to get shared custody I imagine to burn him at the stake and dance around the fire madly laughing and shrieking. Then I imagine to take the ashes and spit at them and yell into them what a stupid fucking asshole he is. (Legal disclaimer: The described situation is purely fictional and bears no similarity to reality. Any similarities to real life situations are purely by chance.)
The above applies to whenever I was lied to and manipulated. Sometimes combined or alternating with the stabbing.
When I see my rapist in town I want to delete his life and my memory of him. Since that is not possible I seek inspiration in the movie “the wrong victim” in which the victim kidnaps the asshole, drugs and castrates him. I would not drug him. Pain relieve is for patients not predators.
When I am out and about in town and someone is generally an asshole and yells at me because I am a fucking woman and apparently that means that other people are entitled to criticize my every move (my favorite situation: a woman in the supermarket yelling at me for buying fruit at the supermarket and not at the farmers market. This literally happened to me. I also still cannot believe it. This is pure fact. Also other similar situations happened to me, about which I will write at another time.) I imagine to tear their body open and weir their ribcage as a hat. And yes, this was a quote from my favorite post- “interview with a vampire” series “true blood” said by Bills maker in an awesome scene to Sookie, played by the amazing and bisexual Anna Paquin. I loved this show. If you hate vampire stuff you will hate this show. But everybody with functioning eyes and ears will love the intro. into which I imagine to sink forever whenever I see it. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wet5OM7RR8Q Please watch it. It`s amazing.
Maybe you can identify with some of these things- feel better because you are not alone. Maybe not. You can now feel good about yourself because you are saner than at least one person. Have a wonderful week.